A Touch Of Evil
by The Hysterical Rhino
Summary: My first attempt at fanfic has resulted in this, a little story about the newest addition to the Evil family. Chapter 5 is up.
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER  
None of these characters except Demonica and Telsie are mine so please don't sue me because there, I admitted it, I DON'T OWN THEM!!!!! Oh yes, I don¹t own the rights to the Jerry Springer Show or have any contact with the man himself either. I must also say thank you to Beth, without whom I wouldn't have thought about writing fanfic in the first place and without whom this story wouldn't have quite as many paragraphs (because she wrote some even though she isn't an Austin Powers fan), also it was Beth who persuaded me to post it (it's been sitting on my computer's hard drive doing nothing for months). So hey, in thanks to Beth, go and read her ER fanfic - its really good (if you like ER, I don't personally but still). And thanks to Claire who wrote a couple of bits too (even though she doesn't like Austin Powers either!). So yeah, I'll get on with the story. Its my first attempt at fanfic so bear with me - it gets better!  
  
  
A Touch Of Evil  
  
"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" The audience chanted as the opening theme music faded and the world famous host of the world famous talk show, Jerry Springer came into view. The audience's chant died down as Jerry began to speak.  
  
"Good evening everybody, on tonight's show we'll be hearing the stories of two women who had their children separated at birth. First on tonight's show we speak to a veteran of this studio, Frau Fabissina!" The camera swung to reveal a harsh looking lady, wearing a black PVC coat with matching trousers come through the door from backstage. She moved to a seat where she sat down, arranging her coat around her. Jerry moved over to her and spoke gently to her, a manner in which the Frau was not used to being spoken to, "Welcome back to the show Frau Fabissina, so tell me, what¹s your story?"  
  
"Well Jerry, nineteen years ago I gave birth to twins, a boy, Scott and a girl, Demonica." The audience cooed at the thought of the two babies, Frau continued, "But a week after their birth I gave up Demonica for adoption in England."  
  
"So," Jerry said calmly, as only he could, "Does Scott know about his sister, or Demonica about her brother?"  
  
"No. I don¹t even think Demonica knows who I am!" The Frau shouted, causing Jerry to jump back a step.   
  
"So does their Father know about Demonica?"  
  
"Dr. Evil knows he has a daughter but he knows nothing more."  
  
"So, are you going to introduce Scott to his sister?"  
  
"³Ja, I am going to England to fetch her and bring her back here to meet her family!"  
  
"Awwwwwwwww!" The audience cooed. Jerry turned back to the chair where the Frau had been sitting but she had gone.  
  
"Okay..." Jerry said slowly, "Well she sure acts fast! Next tonight we'll be hearing from a lady who gave birth to twin monkeys in Siberia! Stay tuned!"  
  
As the theme music played out across America, Frau Fabissina and Number Two boarded fight no. 78563, to London, England.   
  
~~~~~~  
  
Marble Arch Tube Station, London, the same day   
  
Demonica Forbes walked briskly down to Marble Arch Tube Station, looking at her watch as she went down the escalator. As she reached the platform and she sat down on the hard plastic seats the tannoy system crackled into action,   
"Attention all passengers travelling towards Ealing Broadway Interchange," Demonica looked up and took one headphone from her ear to listen, the voice continued, "There will be a delay of half an hour due to circumstances beyond our control. We are sorry for any inconvenience caused." The tannoy crackled off and Demonica groaned, she looked at her watch again: she was already over an hour late as it was, she couldn't wait any longer. As she ascended the escalator and the late afternoon sun hit her eyes, before she knew what was happening, a long black car with blacked out windows pulled up. A man in a grey suit and an eye patch got out of the car and without a word pushed a bewildered Demonica inside, he followed, first checking that no one had seen the operation, just an old man with a dog, and bang! They were soon dealt with. Demonica looked around her, she eyed the two people who were sitting on either side to her, the man with an eye patch on her right and the other, a woman, or at least she thought it was a woman, her dark hair pulled back into a tight style at the back of her head, on her left. Demonica knew she had never seen this woman before in her life but somehow she recognised her. The cycloptic man interrupted her thoughts.  
  
"I am Number Two." He said not glancing at Demonica as he spoke.  
  
"Oh." She said quietly, shifting awkwardly in her seat.  
  
"And I," the lady said loudly, in a clipped German accent, "am Frau Fabissina."  
  
Demonica nodded again, "Nice to meet you," she muttered . But Frau Fabissina had not finished, she took Demonica¹s hand in her own leather gloved one and added,  
  
"But you can call me Mom." Demonica¹s eyes grew wide and she gulped as the harsh lady smiled grimly at her.   
  
~~~~~~  
  
Starbucks Coffee, Seattle, the same day  
  
Frau Fabissina, Dr. Evil, Mini-Me, Number Two and Demonica were sitting around the table in the main chamber of Starbucks Coffee, Seattle, drinking Cafe Latte. During the seven hour transatlantic flight, Frau Fabissina had explained the situation to Demonica. She was the daughter of Dr. Evil, head of Virtucon, Starbucks Coffee, a steel mill, shipping, an oil refinery and a factory in Chicago which specialises in making models of factories. She was the twin sister of Scott Evil, but had been separated from him at birth and sent to live in England with the Forbes family. Demonica's eyes scanned the table -opposite her sat Frau Fabissina, she could hardly believe that this woman actually shared genes with her. At the head of the table sat Dr. Evil himself, it was even more difficult for her to believe that she shared genes with the baldy egg head who faced her. And that miniature man who looked exactly like her Father, she didn't even want to contemplate what Scott would look like......her thoughts were interrupted when her mothers sharp voice pierced the air,  
  
"SCOTT!"  
  
Dr. Evil flinched and his discomfort increased as a door slammed nearby. Scott was clearly still in the same foul mood he was in everytime he saw his father.  
  
"Oh, so you¹ve decided to join us today, Scott." Dr. Evil said dryly as his son entered the chamber. Scott, however, ignored this comment and moved over to a large machine in the corner, where he made himself a cappuccino. Without giving Demonica a second glance he slipped in the chair next to hers. There was silence for a moment only with the sound of Dr. Evil trying unsuccessfully trying to drink his coffee without giving himself a frothy moustache and nose, what he liked to call a Belgian Dip. Demonica used this silence to look at her brother. He had spiky purple hair, deep set blue eyes and the expression on his face was sullen and brooding. He wore a black pinstriped shirt over a black t-shirt and baggy jeans.  
  
"Hey, mom." He spoke, startling Demonica who quickly looked away from him, "Who the hell is she?" he asked, indicating with his cappuccino towards Demonica.  
  
Frau Fabissina restrained her anger at her sons insolence, "Scott," she said in a clipped tone, "I¹d like you to meet a long lost relation of yours..."  
  
"You could say," Dr. Evil interrupted, "she's a quasi evil."He sniggered at his vain attempt at humour with Mini-Me. Frau Fabissina, ignoring him, continued,  
  
"Scott, I'd like you to meet Demonica, your twin sister."   
  
For a second, silence filled the chamber then the explosion came, "God, I hate you!" He slammed down his cappuccino so that a quantity of frothy milk and chocolate sprinkles spilled over the side of the cup and onto the table. Frau Fabissina glared at her son, shaking with rage but as if by some extreme effort of will power she stopped herself from hitting him, instead slamming her whip down hard onto the table so that it shuddered violently. Dr. Evil and Mini-Me were jolted back in their chairs which slid slowly across the floor. Demonica tried unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh.   
  
"Riiiiiiiiiight," Dr. Evil said slowly, pushing himself and Mini-Me back to the table, "That wasn't quite the reaction we were hoping for, Scott."  
  
"Yeah, well," the raging adolescent said, "How'd you expect me to react? You know, a couple of years ago I was like a normal kid, right, living a relatively normal life, then I met my Dad." He got up and moved over to Dr. Evil, staying out of the way of Mini-Me as he continued, "Now my Dad, right, had just been cryogenically frozen all my life!" He dodged Mini-Me as he lunged towards the teenager, "Then, I met my mother," He said, glaring at Frau Fabissina, "On the Jerry Springer show! And now you tell me that that I¹ve got a bloody twin sister who I¹ve never even seen or heard about before-"  
  
"Actually Scott," Dr. Evil interrupted, "that¹s not strictly true, you did spend nine months-"  
  
"Shut up!" Dr. Evil shut up, "Anyway, I've never seen her in my life and you wonder why I react like this!?!?!?" Scott slumped back into his seat and scowled.  
  
After a pause, Frau spoke, "So, Scott, aren¹t you going to say hello to your sister?"  
  
Scott could only groan and roll his eyes at his father's complete lack of understanding and common sense. He reluctantly sighed. "Hey." As he spoke, he glared at Demonica. 


	2. Chapter 2

Starbucks Coffee, Seattle, the next morning  
  
Breakfast the next morning was a very awkward affair. Demonica was still sitting in the chair nearest to Scott's but had ended as far away from him as was humanly possible without ending up in the miniature freaks lap. In an attempt to break the highly uncomfortable atmosphere, Dr. Evil addressed the room in general,  
  
"So what¹s the Evil family got planned for today?" he said, looking around the table. Scott rolled his eyes, as far as he was concerned, sitting in his room, watching movies all day suited him just fine, but somehow he doubted this would happen.   
  
"Well," Number Two said, taking a small black box from his pocket and pointed it at the large Evil sign on the far wall which moved up, revealing a television screen with a large map of the White House on it, "I was thinking that today we could move onto the next phase-"  
  
"Excuse me," Dr, Evil interrupted, "Just remember Number Two that I don¹t know phases."  
  
"Dumb ass." Scott muttered so it was just audible for Demonica to hear.  
  
"As I was saying," Number Two continued, "this is the next stage," he corrected himself, Dr. Evil nodded, "of our constant endeavour of world domination. I intend that we take over the White House, the Oval Office and the whole of the Senate and the President of the worlds most powerful nation for shall we say, Three hundred billion dollars?" Evil laughter from Frau Fabissina and Number Two filled the room in admiration of Number Two's genius but Dr. Evil was not very impressed, the evil laughter stopped as Dr. Evil spoke,  
  
"Two things Number Two, first of all only I am allowed to orchestrate evil laughter understand? And secondly why make three hundred billion dollars when we can make-" He paused dramatically, raising his right pinky to his mouth, "three hundred million dollars?!?!?!?" Mini-Me nodded in agreement, raising his miniature sized pinky to his equally small mouth.   
  
There was silence for a moment as Frau Fabissina, Number Two and Demonica eyed each other uncomfortably wondering who would correct the evil mastermind himself, then,  
  
"Oh God!" Scott cried, slamming his fist down on the table in despair, "You do this every time! When are you going to learn that a billion is larger than a million? God! You¹re such an idiot!"  
  
"Look Scott," Dr. Evil said, completely ignoring his son¹s remark, "Daddy's working. He doesn¹t need you snotty little nose poking around in his business." Scott sniggered at this, but again Dr. Evil ignored him, "Now why don't you and.......and......" He gestured towards Demonica, "your sister go and do something else, you know, show her round the complex or something."  
  
Scott opened his mouth to protest, he would rather sit and listen to his Father's nonsensical schemes than do anything concerning HER, but he realised that protest in this situation would be useless so he got wearily up from his chair and Demonica followed him, looking nervously behind her as the pair left the chamber.   
  
As soon as they left the, Scott rushed into his room and slammed the door. Demonica was left standing in the corridor under the roving lens of the CCTV camera. Hearing a sudden blast of loud rock music, Demonica pushed the door hard so that it slammed open into the wall. Scott stared at her with a look of utter disdain and said coldly,  
  
"Get out, you¹re poisoning the air. Can't you read?"  
  
Demonica raised an eyebrow, "Can you?"  
  
Scott glared at her and turned up the music. Demonica bent down and yanked the plug from its socket. The music stopped abruptly and Scott in mid air guitar solo, looked up sourly,  
  
"God I hate you!" he yelled.  
  
"Is that your answer to everything?" She replied mockingly.  
  
"So what if it is?" he said sulkily.  
  
"That music sucks." Demonica said picking up a CD case, looking at it briefly then tossing it onto the bed.   
"It does not! It rocks! But I suppose and person of your low intellect wouldn't recognise that and would prefer the Sesame Street theme tune."  
  
"Oh, well done Scott," she said, patronisingly, "You put more than four words together and made a sentence, you deserve a gold star."  
  
Scott scowled and folded his arms. His eyes followed her as she began to walk around the room pausing to look at his collection of old comic books and battered CDs. Scott instinctively darted forward when she stopped and looked at his blue and silver electric guitar which was leaning by his bed.  
  
"Hey, what¹s a prat like you doing with such a cool guitar?" Demonica muttered as she passed it. She moved over to his desk which among various piles of paper had a computer on it, some jewellery and about twenty bottles of hair dye and gel, Demonica suddenly burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.  
  
"What?" Scott said, moving over to where Demonica was standing.   
  
"It¹s just that, you're a boy." she said, stopping to laugh.   
  
"Yeah, that¹s right. And you're a freak." Scott said.  
  
Demonica, ignoring this comment, continued, "But yet you've got about fifty bottles of hair dye and another fifty pots and bottles of assorted hair products. I mean I know you want to look after your hair but I think you have a serious problem, Garnier."  
  
"Yeah well, I haven¹t got as much hair stuff as you have spots on your face!" Scott retorted.   
  
"Jackass."  
  
"What did you call me?" Scott demanded.   
  
"A jackass." Demonica said, at the same time lunging for him, he wasn¹t expecting it and couldn¹t get of the way quickly enough. Her long, perfectly manicured index fingernail scratched him under his left eye.  
  
"Bitch!"  
  
"Oh, sorry, did I hurt poor little Scott?" Demonica cooed.   
  
Affronted, he retaliated, catching his sister a blow on the arm and gripping her in a tight headlock,  
  
"Get off me!" She screamed, kicking fruitlessly at his ankles.  
  
"Get off me!" He mimicked, sniggering at her infantile efforts of defence. He brought his right arm up and slammed it down hard onto her eye and then again onto her nose. Warm blood began to pour down her face, Scott, seeing this and realising the danger to his shirt, he hadn't a clue how to get blood out and explaining how it had got there to his mom really wasn't too appealing, he let her go.   
  
"You friggin' punk!" She shouted angrily, unsuccessfully attempting to staunch the blood flow. Realising that it was a lost cause, she held her nose with her left hand and, using her free one, yanked hard on Scott¹s hair, twisting it, causing him to cry out in pain. Forcefully, he removed Demonica's hand from his hair he and, biting his lip, he spoke coldly to his sister,  
  
"Get the hell out of my room!"  
  
"With pleasure. I wouldn¹t want to hang around in some saddo creep¹s room anyway." Smirking, she marched out, kicking the door with the back of her heal so that it slammed hard. She heard the rock music blast out as if in a gesture of defiance.  
  
  
The White House, later that day  
  
The President of the United States sat behind his desk in the Oval Office facing his Chief of Staff. They were both busy shifting through a pile of documents.   
  
"Oh no! Not another one!" The president said, lifting up a glossy leaflet from the top of his pile.  
  
"Another what?" The other man said, looking up.   
  
"Another letter from Big Boy!" He opened the leaflet and began to read, "Dear Mr. President, you have been chosen as one of our ten lucky costumers here at Big Boy! The next time you order a Big Boy Meal with a regular shake and fries you are entitled to a 10% discount!" The President put down the leaflet on the desk, "I don¹t mind the saving but it bothers me how these people get my address! I always tick the box on questionnaires which say that I do not wish for my details to be passed onto any other company! I mean, jeez, how do they get it? It¹s crazy!" The dark haired man just nodded in agreement and looked back at his pile of papers on the desk.   
  
After a few minutes of quiet reading, or, for the president, quiet making of paper aeroplanes from the glossy leaflets, a voice came over the PA system,  
  
"Good afternoon Mr. President. This is Dr. Evil."  
  
The president looked up, his eyes wide, he looked for some sort of reaction from his Chief of Staff but instead he just fell forward onto the desk.   
  
"Okay....." He muttered, feeling for a pulse on his colleague.  
  
"You won't find find a pulse on him, Mr. President," Dr. Evils voice came over the room again, "In fact, you won't find a pulse on anyone in this building because everyone except yourself is.......dead!" He paused for a moment then the infamous laughter filled the room, "Muhahahahahahahahahaha!"  



	3. Chapter 3

Starbucks Coffee, Seattle, the next morning  
  
The next morning before breakfast, Demonica looked at her face in the mirror, concealer in hand, trying haphazardly to cover up, or at least make a little less noticeable, the scars from the night before. Just as she was about to get to work covering up her already blackened eye, The Frau's screeching voice filled the air,  
  
"Scott!" She shouted, "Demonica! Breakfast!"  
  
"Oh damn!" Demonica shrieked, throwing down her make up bag onto the floor, hastily picking up her hairbrush and trying to pull her already out of control mane into some kind of order. Deciding that she was fighting a losing battle she flung down her hairbrush in despair and raced from her room down the corridor towards the main chamber. She stopped just outside the door, took a deep breath and walked in.   
  
Everyone was already seated when she entered. She hurriedly took her place next to Scott who stifled a laugh. His cut was still visible, she noted,  
  
"You watch what you say." She muttered in what she thought to be a menacing tone, just loud enough for Scott to hear. Scott shot her a look of disdain and mockery danced in his eyes.  
  
He sneezed loudly, a sneeze which sounded suspiciously like, "Panda!"  
  
Dr. Evil said uncertainly, "Bless You." Scott rolled his eyes yet again,  
  
"What interesting eye make up you have this morning, Demonica." he said.   
  
"Yes, well I see you were a little over enthusiastic with the poster paints....just below your right eye." Demonica shot back. Scott looked down uncomfortably.  
  
"Yes, what happened to your eye?" Enquired Frau Fabissina.  
  
As Scott opened his mouth to speak he was saved by the sound of evil laughter, Demonica looked around the room but no one was laughing. Instead Number Two got up from the table and left the room, returning a few minutes later with a telephone.  
  
"It's for you." He said, handing the receiver to Scott.  
  
"Hello?" He said, a puzzled expression on his face, an expression which softened as he listened to the person on the other end of the line,  
  
"Oh, hey." He said. Demonica took a sip of her coffee but continued to listen to the convocation so she could assitain who it was her brother was speaking to.  
  
"Uh huh." He said, nodding.   
  
"Oh yeah, everything's fine here." He muttered, fixing Demonica with an icy stare, she quickly looked away and concentrated on her donought.  
  
"Yeah, that'll be great." Scott said, sipping his cappuccino.  
  
"Okay. See you." He finished and hung up the receiver. He took a last gulp of his drink, wiped his mouth and got up, every eye around the table followed him as he walked towards the door.  
  
"Scott?" Frau Fabissina said as he reached the door.   
  
"Yeah?" He muttered, without turning round.   
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"Out." He said and he walked through the door and slammed it behind him.   
  
~~~~~~  
  
Austin Powers' Shag Pad, London, England  
  
World famous International Man of Mystery Austin Powers was having lunch at his London physcadelic ŒShag Pad', when his television/link with the British Ministry of Defence, suddenly switched itself on. The picture of an older blonde haired man filled the screen,  
  
"Hello, Austin." He said, smiling inanely, "Its Basil Exposition here from the Ministry of Defence."  
  
"Hi Basil." Austin said, putting his food to one side and slipping his Swedish made penis enlarger behind him so it was out of sight.  
  
Basil continued, "So Austin, how's life with you and Felicity?"  
  
Austin's face saddened for a moment, "She got bored of the nineties, said it wasn't groovy enough' and eloped back to the sixties with Austin from ten minutes from now." He looked thoughtful for a moment but then turned his attentions back to Basil, "So Basil, how are things with you?"  
  
"Not good I'm afraid Austin, we at the Ministry of Defence have had reports that Dr. Evil has taken over the White House and is now holding the President to ransom."  
  
"All right baby! I'll be right there!" Austin said, switching off the television, flinging his orange velvet coat over his shoulder and strolling out of his pad.   
  
~~~~~~  
  
Starbucks Coffee, Seattle  
  
"Get me the President of the United States of America!" Shouted Dr. Evil loudly as Demonica, Frau Fabissina, Mini-Me, Dr. Evil and Number Two sat around the table in Starbucks.  
  
"Er, sir," Number Two said cautiously, Dr. Evil raised an eyebrow, "you already have contact with the President, you have taken over the White House."  
  
"I know, I know." Dr. Evil said, lifting his hands up as a gesture of despair at his minions, "I was just practising you know."  
  
Demonica scoffed, seeing as her brother wasn't there - he still hadn't got back from wherever he had gone - she decided it was her job to scoff in all right places where Scott usually would.   
  
Suddenly the ground began to shake, Demonica gripped the table,  
  
"Do....do...you get earthquakes in Seattle?" She asked, the vibrations nearly falling off her chair as she spoke.  
  
"No littl' lady but yoo doo get Fat Bastard's in Seattle." A think Scottish accent filled the air as a huge man wearing a kilt, a dirty white t-shirt and a tartan waistcoat which was clearly about ten sizes too small for him.   
  
"Demonica," Dr. Evil said, "I'd like you to meet Fat Bastard."  
  
Demonica managed a weak smile, "Hi." she muttered.  
  
"So Fat Bastard," Dr. Evil continued, "What brings you here?"  
  
"Food!" The huge man shouted, causing millions of tiny balls of spit to fly out of his mouth, "I want my baby-back-baby-back-baby-back-baby-back ribs!" He said, doing a little dance as he said it.   
  
"Riiiiiight." Dr. Evil spoke, "Chef!" He shouted, a man wearing a small red hat with a tassel and an apron came out from behind the counter where usually a fine array of beverages were being served by a gangly teen. "We would like to be served now, the usual for myself, Frau, Number Two and Demonica, a hot pocket for Mini-Me and some baby back ribs for Fat Bastard."  
  
The red hatted man nodded and went back behind the counter, returning a few minutes later with a trolley, he gave each person their meal except for Fat Bastard, again he went behind the counter, reappearing with the trolley piled high with huge ribs.   
  
"Eugh!" Demonica muttered, "That is seriously sick."  
  
They ate in relative silence which was only broken by the slobbering of Fat Bastard. When they had finished their meals the red hatted man returned with the trolley and put everyones plates, including Fat Bastard on it.  
  
Then it happened.  
  
Fat Bastard burped.   
  
Now this burp was not a polite burp - if their could ever be a polite burp - this was the champion of burps. It reverberated around the room and filled it with such a stench that Demonica nearly passed out.   
  
"Sorry." Fat Bastard said, clearly unaffected by the effect his utterance had caused, "Anyway, I betta goo noo."  
  
"Yes, you better." Dr. Evil agreed.   
  
The room shook again as Fat Bastard left.  
  
A few minutes later the door slammed again, Mini-Me shook and nearly fell out of his chair,  
  
"God, if that's that big fat Scottish thing again I'm so outta here." Demonica mumbled but she didn't have to worry because a couple of moments later Scott entered, his hair now a fiery red colour.  
  
"Nice hair." Demonica said sarcastically, Scott shot her a withering look.  
  
"You missed dinner Scott." Frau Fabissina said to her son.  
  
"Already ate." He replied, "Hey, I want you to meet someone."   
  
The red hatted man moved towards the table from behind the counter. Scott moved to the door and beckoned into the corridor. A girl, not very tall, with aurbuny hair and blue eyes wearing long jeans and a tight fitting t-shirt entered.  
  
"I'd like you to meet, Telsie Levine, my girlfriend."  
  
An uneasy silence filled the room as Telsie stepped forward and stood by Scott's side. Frau Fabissina nodded slowly, Number Two didn't react at all, Mini-Me was too busy eating his Jell-O to care and Demonica's eyes just kept getting wider, that only left Dr. Evil,   
  
"Riiiiiiight......" He said slowly.  



	4. Chapter 4

The Ministry of Defence, England  
  
The headquarters of the Ministry of Defences Special Secret Service department was already very busy when he arrived. The room was already milling with people. Several girls fainted as Austin entered and a wild scramble started as he flung his coat off and the girls started fighting over it.  
  
One woman however couldn't have cared less if he'd taken off all his clothes, she sat demurely behind a desk, her eyes fixed on the computer in front of her. Austin noticed this complete lack of interest,  
  
"Is she okay Basil?" He asked his commanding officer, "You know, alright in the head?"  
  
Basil Exposition laughed and nodded, "Of course Austin," he said moving over to where the lady was sitting, "You don't think we'd send you on a dangerous mission with a crackpot, do you?"  
  
Austin laughed nervously, he remember how when he had been first unfrozen and sent to battle Dr. Evil, his partner had been Vanessa who had turned out to be a fembot working for Dr. Evil. "Er no, of course not Basil." Austin said quickly, "So, who is this lovely lady?"  
  
He said, moving over to the desk and sitting on it as the girl hardly gave him a second look, "This, Austin, is Ilieona Tuesday, and she will be working with on this mission with you."  
  
"Okay..." Austin said slowly, "So what do you do every other day of the week?" He laughed uproariously at his joke but Ilieona gave no reply but stared at him icily, Austin's laughter died away.  
  
"Austin Powers, I presume." She said, holding out her hand. Austin nodded and shook her hand.  
  
"You have very soft hands Miss. Tuesday." He said, "Does that speak for the rest of you too?" Again, he received no reply, this was not going very well he decided.  
  
"Mr. Powers,"   
  
"Oh please call me Austin, only Dr. Evil and his associates called me Mr. Powers."  
  
"Alright, Austin, you do realise that I am in no way interested in a relationship with you and would rather have sex with a lesbian mongoose than with you." And with that she got up and stalked out of the room.  
  
"Okay, well she's feisty." Austin muttered and moved over to the desk where Basil was sitting, ready to receive his mission instructions.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
The kitchen at Starbucks Coffee, Seattle  
  
Mustafa looked at himself in the mirror and groaned, how had he turned from young and attractive Mustafa to this mess of a man that stood before him now. He didn't have a clue apart from the fact that it had something to do with Dr. Evil and his cronies who right now were sitting in the main chamber welcoming a new person into the Evil ranks. He should be in their not her. He, Mustafa, who had given Dr. Evil more than thirty years of loyal service only to be repaid with burning, being thrown down cliffs and bloody kitchen work. Well he'd show them, he'd show them all, even that stupid new kid, Damonia or whatever her name was, the only question now was how.......  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Scott's Room, Starbucks Coffee, Seattle  
  
"Yeah, so anyway, me and Sweet J were like down the mall," Scott was saying to Telsie, "And you know we saw these guys eyeing these girls and we were like 'stop that', 'cos you know we respect women and so they're like 'make me' so we did and they stopped. It was cool."  
  
"Oh wow!" Scott turned around to see Demonica standing in the doorway, he gave her a look of total and utter abhorrence.   
  
"You know, that must have been soo cool! You know, I mean that was like wow! I mean, that was like was like so cool, right?" she said with a fake American accent, then she laughed, "God you're so stupid, oh and so much for respecting girls, I mean hello!" She said, pointing to her black eye which she had made no attempt to cover up.  
  
"Yeah, well," Scott said shifting uncomfortable in his chair, "Well, freaks don't count as girls. And since you're a freak I guess that means you."  
  
Demonica raised an eyebrow, "Yeah, well just 'cos you don't respect me doesn't mean you respect other girls, what were you saying the other day at the mall, oh yes, I remember, 'God, she's got such a cute ass and look at her! She's got two lovely large-"  
  
"Okay! Okay!" Scott hissed, "Shut up!"  
  
Telsie raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend, "Excuse me, Scott?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Aren't you going to introduce me?"  
  
"Oh yeah, sure, this is my sister Demonica. Excuse her, she's an English freak. Long story."  
  
"We were separated at birth. I lived in England until a week ago."  
  
"Apparently not that long." Telsie said dryly.   
  
"Okay, now you've met, perhaps you'd like to leave us alone, Demonica." Scott said, pushing his sister out of the room.  
  
"So anyway, before we were so rudely interrupted....." Scott continued, moving over to Telsie and putting his arm around her, "Where was I?"  
  
~~~~~~  
Austin's private jet, somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean  
  
"So, Dr. Evil has done it again." Austin said, chewing his pen thoughtfully, looking at his mission brief. Ilieona Tuesday sat on the other side of the plane behind a desk.   
  
"Hmmmm," She said thoughtfully, taking off her her glasses and slipping them for safe keeping down her blouse, removing, at the same time a handkerchief from that very same place. Austin noticed this and couldn't resist the temptation,  
  
"Argh!" Ilieona screamed as Austin bounded over and onto the desk.  
  
"So, what else do you keep in that blouse of yours?" He said suggestively, winking at his college.  
  
"Nothing that need concern you, now go away." Ilieona said cooly, pushing Austin away from her with her right hand.   
  
However, the World Famous International Man of Mystery was not going to be put off that easily. "Oh come on, lighten up, it's just a bit of fun!"   
  
No reaction.  
  
"Can I ask you a little question?" She looked up, over her glasses, "Take your glasses off." Ilieona hesitantly did and put them down on the desk. "Now let your hair out."  
  
Reluctantly, Ilieona reached to the back of her head and took a few pins out of her auburn hair, which cascaded fell about her shoulders in loose curls.   
  
"There baby!" Austin said, clapping his hands together, "Now," he said, reaching behind him and pulling out a camera, "What would you say if I took a couple of pictures?"  
  
Ilieona looked unsure for a moment but then slowly nodded, "Nothing kinky?" she asked, frowning at Austin.  
  
"Of course not baby!" Austin said, leaping off the desk, "Lets go!"  



	5. Chapter 5

Starbucks Coffee, Seattle  
  
Scott had gone out and so Telsie and Demonica were the only people in the building who were below the age of forty, apart from the miniature oddity who didn't count. So, making the best of a bad situation Demonica went to see Telsie who was uncomfortably sitting in the main chamber, tentatively drinking coffee and eating jelly doughnuts.   
  
"Hey." Demonica said, Telsie turned around quickly.   
  
"Oh, hey." She replied in her soft American accent.   
  
Demonica went to the coffee machine and pulled herself a cappuccino, and, taking a jelly doughnut from the counter she sat next to Telsie.   
  
"So, how you doing?" Demonica asked.  
  
"Okay I guess." Telsie said, not looking up from her drink.   
  
The atmosphere in the room could be cut with a knife.  
  
"If you're looking for Scott," Telsie continued, "he's gone out someplace."  
  
Demonica shrugged, "No, I wasn't, thanks anyway."  
  
They sat in silence for another couple of minutes until Demonica couldn't bear it any longer.  
  
"Hey," she said, Telsie looked up, "look, I'm sorry about before, you know in Scott's room." She apologised, remembering the scene she'd created earlier. She realised that it must be pretty hard for Telsie being new around here, she knew what it felt like after all.   
  
Telsie smiled, "It's okay. I've got a brother too so I know how you feel when you see him showing off to girls." There was a pause as Telsie and Demonica exchanged grateful looks. "But you know, Scott's not too bad, he's kinda cute."  
  
Demonica rolled her eyes, "Oh pur-lease!"  
  
Telsie laughed, "No, I suppose you wouldn't see that!"  
  
After a brief pause Demonica turned to Telsie, "Have you had the guided tour?"  
  
Telsie shook her head, "No but I'd like to, and we can fill each other in about ourselves."  
  
"Yeah!" Demonica got up and Telsie followed, putting a last bite of jelly doughnut in her mouth.   
  
  
The White House, Washington DC  
  
The President of the United States of America sat at his desk, flicking pieces of paper into the bin aimlessly. He had managed to drag his ex-Chief of Staff's body into the closet behind the filing cabinet and now he was very bored. Very very bored. He had played solitaire for a while on the computer but after a while had grown bored and had decided to start writing his memoirs. However, he had only just got passed "I was born on 20th June 1952......." when the voice of Dr. Evil came over the loudspeakers again.   
  
"Hello Mr. President."   
  
"Hi." The President said flatly.  
  
"Just to inform that you are reaching the deadline for handing over the money. Do you have it?"  
  
"Nearly." The President lied through clenched teeth.  
  
"Good." Dr. Evil said, "Then I shall bid you adieu. Adieu."   
  
The President looked back down to his notepad, "I was born on 20th June 1952......" he muttered reading back over his work. He piked his pen up and began to write again, "I attended Oak Leaf Elementary passing every grade with exemplary marks, when I was twelve I moved to South Street Junior High......"  
  
"Oh God." He groaned slamming his pen down on the desk, this was definitely going to be a long day.   
  
  
Demonica's Room, Starbucks Coffee, Seattle  
  
"So," Demonica said, flopping onto her bean bag, "What do you think to the lair?"  
  
"Well, it was interesting." Telsie said picking up a lipstick from the dresser and looking at it thoughtfully, "Hey, I've got an idea."  
  
Demonica sat up and looked up questioningly.  
  
"We should do like makeovers or something! I mean you've got loads of stuff we could use!" She said excitedly, her hand sweeping over the dressing table where Demonica's entire collection of nail polishes, lipsticks, foundations, eye shadows, mascaras, hairbrushes and hair dyes sat. She had enjoyed duty free.   
  
"Okay..." She said slowly, "You go first, sit in the chair and don't look in the mirror until I've finished."  
  
"Okay, now what shall we do?" she puzzled, looking at her collection of various coloured foundations.  
  
She put a bit of each foundation on her hand and held it up to the light so she could see each colour more clearly.   
  
Suddenly, the door slammed open, startling Demonica who flung her hand down, straight onto Telsie's face.  
  
"What the Hell are you doing?" Scott shouted, grabbing his sister's arm and twisting it painfully behind her back.  
  
"We were doing makeovers." Demonica said though clenched teeth, fighting back the tears.  
  
"Yeah, Scott, she was testing mascara on her hand and then you walked in and startled us." Telsie said, moving over to Scott and Demonica, trying to prise Scott's hand off Demonica's.   
  
"Humph." Scott said, reluctantly letting his sister go. Demonica breathed in sharply, rubbing her sore arm.  
  
"Yeah, well if that's all," He said, linking his arm with Telsie's, "we'll go. You okay?" He said, turning to Telsie.  
  
"Of course I'm okay. We were just doing girlie stuff. Your sister's really nice, I can't see why you don't get on."  
  
"Humph," was his sole reply.   
  
  
The Kitchen, Starbucks Coffee  
  
Mustafa walked around the kitchen thoughtfully, twirling his tassel in his hand as he did so. "So," He spoke softly to himself, "What can I do?" He paused by his huge kitchen knife but then shook his head, "Oh, no, no, no, no, something a lot more subtle than that needed, Mustafa." He continued to walk around the room.  
  
Without drawing attention to herself, Demonica slipped quietly into the kitchen, there was no chocolate sprinkles left in the coffee machine so she had come to find some without enraging the red-hatted man. She paused as she saw him, apparently talking to himself, looking at a rather viscous looking knife. She moved closer, taking care to keep hidden behind tall cupboards and cookers.   
  
"Hmmm," he continued to himself, "I need a plan...."  
  
Suddenly he was interrupted from his thoughts by a loud clip clop of heels coming from behind him.  
  
"Mustafa," It was Frau Fabissina, Demonica breathed in deeply so she would not be seen or heard by her mother,   
  
"A young lady will be eating with us this evening so make sure you prepare an extra meal."  
  
"Yes, of course." A dry smile played on his lips as Frau Fabissina turned on her heel and left the room. Demonica breathed an internal sigh of relief.   
  
However, she couldn't relax for long as Mustafa suddenly moved over to the cupboard next to the one she was hiding behind, opened it and took out a dusty old book, blowing on it, sending dust particles everywhere, Demonica quickly covered her mouth and nose and tried very hard not to sneeze and shut the cupboard behind him.   
  
"Ah ha!" He said, slamming down the volume on the table, sending even more dust particles into oblivion. Demonica gagged as she tried not to cough.   
  
"Right," He said, opening the book, Demonica peered from her hiding place and just managed to read the title, 'Demonic Recipes'. "This is what I need." he grinned, taking a notepad from his top pocket and jotting down the information he read out.  
  
"Sorbet Suprise," he read, "yeah, well it certainly will be a suprise when she eats it." He said ominously,   
  
Demonica's eyes widened, "Sugar," he ticked off each item on his notepad, "fruit, water, juice......oh, I need some more supplies," he muttered, "arsenic."  
  
Demonica breathed in sharply, surely he wasn't thinking of poisoning Telsie, nah, he wouldn't do that would he? She thought back to the day before when he was being ordered around by Dr. Evil and the harsh way the Frau had spoken to him just then. Quickly she darted from the kitchen, chocolate sprinkles forgotten, to Scott's room, she needed information and fast.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
I don't own the President, his Chief of Staff, or in fact the White House, plus the President in this story is a figment of my imagination and has nothing to do with President Bush. Just to add that to my disclaimer, because I still have no wish to be sued. 


End file.
